Growth Design 1: My First Year with I'm Not You LLC

 Human nature is so constituted, that it cannot honor a helpless man, although it can pity him; and even this it cannot do long, if the signs of power do not arise - Fredrick Douglass

From Niyi's favorite book, The 50th Law. I couldn't start this post off without mentioning that. If you've heard any 3 episodes of the Sports Motivation Podcast, it's a great bet he has referenced it in at least 1 of them. I had the distinct honor of speaking to the author last year working on a birthday present for Niyi. I joked with Robert Greene that we owed him royalties from how many times we referenced his book. 

How did I end up working for a former NFL running back turned mindset consultant? Well I'll be happy to tell you! I enjoy this story it's like a superhero origin story. So this story starts off sad. I applied for 3 graduate schools in 2016 and did not get into any of them. While this seemed like a big blow to my self-confidence (and it was), I would soon find this was a blessing in disguise (more about why in my Dear Him post). So, fast forward to July and I'm by the pool one day. Listened to one George Strait song and decided I wasn't in the mood for music. So I tried listening to a podcast for the first time. Typed in Sport Psychology and two shows came up. One was clearly more formal so I chose Niyi's podcast to listen to. It struck a cord with me. It was as if he was giving me permission to feel the way I needed to feel and become who I am meant to be. It's hard to describe but there was an instant connection when I heard his material. I  then got on his email list and hoped for more insights. Honestly, I wanted to hear more stories about when he played for the Saints. Those stories are rare but I  learned a hell of a lot more than I ever dreamed I would. 

So around April, Niyi sent out an email saying he needed interns. I typically didn't go for things I didn't think I'm "qualified" for. This, even though I had no experience being a linchpin in a startup, I somehow had a feeling Niyi and I would get along. So I applied and sent in a video testimonial of myself. After the 11th try I said "Screw it this one works." I had an interview with him that I thought went well. He said he would let everyone know on that Sunday. Sunday at around 3pm rolls around and I haven't heard anything. "It's okay" I said. At least I tried. Couple hours later (eastern vs. pacific time) I  got the video email that I was in! I told my parents and they were very happy and a bit skeptical. Which is totally understandable. This rando guy wants help and is just starting out. I again had a feeling about this opportunity.

So 6 months go by as an intern, I  say yes to learning everything I can. One of those ways was learning how to produce the podcast. This was kinda of a dream come true. To be able to work on the podcast that got me back to where I needed to be mentally. In November, I took over both podcasts full-time and started getting paid. I filled a void and made a position for myself. I also did some assistant stuff for him as well because I am a detail oriented person (apparently). 

The podcast goes great for 7 months and I have a blast producing it. Along comes another opportunity. A chance to learn and run the entire backend of the website and members area. Tim Ferriss always talks about how you need to learn to say no more and wait for great things instead of just good. This is poor advice your first year or two. Strong advice once you're on track. If your time allows, learn all you can. Say yes to opportunities. Do that enough and you will be in a position where the only things you want to say yes to are the great things. Anyway, I gave it a shot and learned Clickfunnels and our entire backend in two weeks. It was a lot but I've always found technology to come rather easy to me so it made sense when I played around with it enough. I took over the entire online support back end in July. I  was also given the opportunity to run an Entrepreneur mastermind call for our latest coaching group. It has been a blast to be able to help people with their problems and challenges. I  only see more opportunities like this in the future.

The experience has all been well and good but what I've learned about myself, about optimization, and time management. It allows me to do everything I want and still have free time to myself. Here is me before and after a year with I'm Not You:

• System for planning goals - Before: didn't really have one. Had them in my head. Now: a systematic 3 hour plan of figuring out my goals, figuring out problems that will arise, finding solutions to those problems before they exist, and having a strategy around completing them by week, quarter, and 3 month. 
• System for planning my week - Before: I didn't have one. Kinda hoped it would go well. Now: I spend 2 hours on Sunday laying out my life and work vision for the week, what will push me forward and play tetris with my google calendar, seeing where everything can fit. I honestly think I get more done in a week than most do in a month. 
• System for planning my day - Before: I once told the student body president in undergrad "I just live one day at a time." Obviously no plan. Now: Spend 10-15 minutes the night before planning out my next day, focusing on critical outcomes, tasks needed to be done to accomplish those outcomes, scoring the previous day on a 1-10 Likert Scale, and looking at possible obstacles that could be in my way that day and planning a way around them. 
• System for managing personal finances: Before: No plan but have a good amount saved in my savings for a rainy day. Now: while still a working progress, a lot more clarity because of the Money Playbook system we have. What I need to earn with taxes in mind and what each account should have in it each month to live the way I want to along with growing my money tree (Carl Nassib would even be impressed).

I also have learned so much through osmosis. I believe I will never have trouble with product or service creation because I've seen the progression we take with our products and services and I see first hand how it's changing people's lives. I've also learned it's okay to take your time with creating and perfecting something. While the extreme of this can be detrimental, I think it's important to get the product or service world class before scaling. It's taken me going through the podcast process from scratch 3 times to finally get a sense of what I should offer and package it in an enticing way.  Patience in the macro. Urgency working towards world class in the micro.

Self Development Design 2: Why I say I was "raised" in New York Part 2

Turning pro is a mindset. If we are struggling with fear, self-sabotage, procrastination, self-doubt, etc., the problem is, we're thinking like amateurs. Amateurs don't show up. Amateurs crap out. Amateurs let adversity defeat them. The pro thinks differently. He shows up, he does his work, he keeps on truckin', no matter what - Steven Pressfield

I was an amateur a few times during my time in New York. More on that later. One of my first memories is helping Evan put up the tent. Now, the tent and I became good friends over the course of 3 years. We probably spent upwards of 60 plus hours together. The sides had to be taken down for outings, put back up for banquets and weddings, and put up really quickly if it started to rain. Understand this tent was bigger than most houses but the rope to latch onto the main part were super small hooks. I sometimes miss that tent.

My second vivid memory was my first assignment. I'm not sure if I was just not listening in college or if it's my millennial brain, but I thought I'd be doing some cool management stuff my first year. HA! Understand this: your degree doesn't mean a thing. Your experience is what matters. I had virtually none in hospitality. So, my first assignment was recycling. Taking the bottles and cans from the golf course and sorting them into different piles. My parents paid how much for my degree? This taught me a valuable lesson though. Well two. One in humility and one in practicality. Practically, this was step 1. I learned that Coke products, bottles from everything except Coors Light, water bottles, and Coors Light bottles and cans need to be separate because that's how we get our deposit back correctly. See, in Ohio we don't have to pay a deposit on those materials. In New York, you absolutely do. 5 cents adds up when you are dealing with thousands of units a year. 

Amateur moment #1: I am not going in any particular order in this post, more of a lesson by lesson approach so ignore any timeline I may be painting. So, I believe this was our third wedding on the road my first year. The first on the road wedding I single handedly saved it from being burned down. Wedding invitations should not be that close to the candle centerpiece. The second on the road wedding I lost 10 pounds of water weight in one hour (roughly). More on that later. This third wedding I kinda made a conscious mistake. I'm doing clean up in cocktail hour of the giant yard the wedding was in (probably 30-40 acres in Long Island $$). I had been up since 7, worked a full day, and then came to this wedding. After what I considered bitch duty with two other guys who were part of our international work program, I was mentally done. It was probably 10-11 at this time. I knew I had to be at work at 8 the next day. I overhear they plan on having an after party that will start after midnight. Meaning the cleanup probably won't start happening until after 1. Self-preservation kicked in. I heard from one boss if I got clearance from another I could go home. Guess who told a white lie? My perspective was: we have about 20 agency kids to clean the rest up, I have worked my ass off all day and need sleep for tomorrow. I got chewed out for this. I was wrong. I should have stuck it out. That's what being a professional is. I learned from that. 

Profesional moment: Over the course of 3 years, I learned how to do basically everything at that club. From bartending which was my main gig, to setting up and tearing down events, setting up a buffet, basic accounting, member relations, concepts about turf management, the culinary side, and a lot of the pro shop and bag room duties. Dennis said to learn I could so you know as a GM for two reasons: to know how to show someone and know it's being done right and to know you aren't getting screwed over. I still firmly believe that and take this attitude into the world of human performance and business. I have so much to learn but I chip away at it everyday. 

Doing this also taught me a few key aspects I still use today: how to treat people with the utmost respect, doing everything you can for a member or client, doing your best work with strength and stamina, and most importantly how to talk to people. I think communication is the number 1 business tool to success. Adlerian psychology believes that all of man's and woman's problems stem from an inadequacy of interpersonal communication. I believe that more and more everyday. I know when I'm communicating well and I know what needs done, I will plan for it and get it done. When things aren't communicated the best way possible, frustration sets in.   

So take this for what it's worth: strive to become a professional. Do the things you don't want to do, stick it out when things get hard. It does pay off. Patience is something that is hard to practice in today's day and age. We have these pre-determined markers in life that society has shelled out for us and if we don't reach them, we are underachieving or "we are too picky" or whatever. I'll speak more on generations in another post but in essence this generation has been given 100% freedom to do whatever the hell we want. We've been told we can be anything. We've been given the technology to communicate instantly with other people from around the globe. We see daily of people just killing it on Instagram in their jets and their expensive cars. What isn't shown on a daily basis in the grind because it's not sexy to show that. It's scary in itself to document your life because "what if it doesn't work out?" or "who the hell cares?" creeps in. Patience is what those successful people had but never showed to the public (minus a few that got into the documenting game). You gotta have that same patience to the macro. Unlike everything else around us, success doesn't happen overnight. 

Self Development Design 1: Why I say I was "Raised" in New York Part 1

"If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere" Frank Sinatra

Life was... easy until I graduated with my undergrad. Let me explain. I had fantastic parents who raised me right. School came pretty easy to me so I really didn't have to try. Throughout my middle school and high school days, my friends were good influences on me. No drugs, didn't do dumb things. This all sounds fine right? I wish I could scream at my high school self right about now. Although we all know hindsight is 20/20 and our past experiences shape who we are today, I wish I would have tried just a bit harder. Maybe I would have made the basketball team in 7th grade. Maybe my GPA would have been higher for a better scholarship opportunity. As far as regrets go, I have very little anymore because I honestly forget who that kid was back then.

Fast forward. Moved to New York. I needed an internship to graduate and I knew I wanted to get the hell out of Bowling Green and Ohio for awhile. I felt that this was a time where I could grow on my own and develop myself. I think this is one of the best decisions I have made so far in life. I could have stayed in Toledo and worked at the Marathon Classic (for free no thank you). I had interviews with clubs in Montana, Chicago, Long Island, and Westchester. I had said yes to Chicago before taking the Long Island interview. The Chicago club was not offering a full time position after the internship, but it was my best option thus far, not knowing how the Long Island interview would go. After my interview with Meadowbrook that clearly went well, I had a difficult choice to make. Dennis was willing to take a chance on me even though I had no prior hospitality training because I came off very professional and I had gone to a good school (yay BG). So I called Chicago and told him I had decided to take the Long Island offer because it had the potential to lead to a full time position. Chicago was frustrated but understood. This was one of my first big kid decisions. Choosing BG was a no brainer. It felt like home. This choice was different. I definitely made the right one.

I had never been to New York before deciding to move there. It just felt right. I had always loved everything about it from what I saw on TV. My face lit up as soon as we hit the GW bridge (even with all of the traffic) when I saw the skylight. I had never seen anything like it. I had visited Chicago in college but New York, it's something different. It's a different feeling for me. The buildings cover your entire view. We arrived at the club (my dad and I) and were welcomed by Frank, one of the assistant managers at the time. It's hard to explain this but you know the feeling you get when you first see and experience something? That feeling was on steroids. I was in a completely new environment, pulled up to a mansion of a clubhouse where I'd be living, and there's a Lamborghini, a Bentley, and a Porsche all parked next to one another in the parking lot. Where did I just move to? 

We move all of our stuff into room 007 ;) (college all over again!). Honestly, I didn't mind the small room. It was enough (and free). I also acquired a new skill of moving furniture to optimize a room. I'm really good at it now. I look out my window and can see the putting green and the first tee. This is gonna be sweet. 

When I tell you everything was free, I mean it. Rent, lunch, toilet paper. I would walk down 3 flights of stairs to work (would often be asked how the traffic was on them). If you didn't know, Long Island is famous for its traffic. I lived on the former Senior Open course. Short of Winged Foot, was the nicest course I've ever played to this day (more on the Winged Foot day later :)) I definitely didn't play as much as I could have but I did get out a good amount my first two years. I think the most memorable thing was the driving range either alone or hitting with Mitch, Naden, or Dave. You could see the entire front 9 from the range, it was just a beautiful view. It was also a place to talk about life while doing something we loved. 

I don't know if it's my generation or if I wasn't listening completely in college, but for some reason I thought my first big kid job I would be "managing" right out of the gate. HAHAHA! O my naive Kyle. Look out for the next post titled, "Self Development Design 1: Why I say I was "Raised" in New York Part 2" coming next week where I share the reality of what my first career job the first year actually looked like.

Learning 101: Why You Should Make Reading a Permanent Habit Part 1

"We read to know we are not alone." C.S. Lewis

I never read in high school. I never read in college unless I was forced to and even then I didn't read. I never understood the reason behind reading. "Those authors are just trying to make money." "Is this really relevant to me?" "I'd rather watch a movie or play a video game. It holds my attention better." Yes I've heard (and said) most of these things. Until about a year ago. Heard some guy @niyisobo blabbing about the importance of reading and growing your mind. I always felt I had a growth mindset but looking back I never had one until I started reading with intent. Ryan Holiday's "Ego is the Enemy" is the first book I read all the way through at that time.

"Man is pushed by drives," Viktor Frankl observed. "But he is pulled by values."

It's really ironic how everything connects. We just talked about the existential theory in my theories of counseling class and Vicktor Frankl was a pioneer of the theory. Think about that quote for a minute though. 

"Success is intoxicating yet to sustain it requires sobriety. We can't keep learning if we think we already know everything. We cannot buy into myths we make ourselves, or the noise and chatter of the outside world. We must understand that we are a small part of an interconnected universe. On top of all this, we have to build an organization and a system around what we do-one that is about the work and not about us." Ryan Holiday

There is quite a lot to digest in that beautiful statement. I'll address other parts of it in another post. What I want to focus on is "We can't keep learning if we think we already know everything." This is a trap many fall into. Belief that short term success must mean they "figured it out." For us to have sustained success, we cannot be satisfied with our current knowledge base. Ever. There was at one time a stern believe that the earth was flat and contrary to the opinion of an NBA superstar, it is not. People refused to believe otherwise until given solid proof. Books are the solid proof. While some subjects are subjective (yep I did that), it provides another theory or opinion on a subject. Right now, I have The Wild Diet, Bulletproof Diet, and the 4-Hour Chef on my bookshelf. All different theories and focuses (fat burning, inflammation, and ketosis respectfully) but all have the same outcome. Eat for health and energy. Yet some people call ketosis dangerous and the Simpsons actually joke about putting butter in coffee in 1998 (they are on a scary rampage of predicting events if you didn't know. Look it up! Latest one: the U.S. winning gold at curling.)

My point? You'll never know what information is out there and formulate your own opinion if you do not read. While I don't read nearly as much as I should or want to (thanks grad school) I've made it a permanent habit. Stay tuned for Part 2 when I dive into the C.S. Lewis quote I used at the very beginning.